Friday, woke up late but I still dragged myself to Law class in the morning. Still, I don't understand a shit of it. Was sitting with Zachary, he was sweet because he drew a sunflower for me and ask me to cheer up. It's really a 'Sun'-Flower. Ha. I've taken a picture of it, but my phone's abit down so couldn't upload it. Anyways, thanks Zac. (:

Then got home and bathed. Felt like everything was torturing me mentally and physically, so I went to bed and slept till late evening. Felt good cause for long I could finally sleep so tight. Photos were for last night, taken by JR's brand new camera. I think he's in love with photography now. Well, most of the pictures couldn't see my full face, it was his camera's problem alrights. So let's go polaroid love.

Didn't get to see Amanda yesterday, talked on the phone for a few times. I know she wasn't happy and so did I. Somehow for the same reason, we're getting so sick of it. Sick of the tears, don't wanna think about it don't wanna talk about it. Though I try to hide it, but it's clear. I'd still think of this familiar face everywhere I'd go. With the memories and doubts.

Kinda weird of feeling to be drunk in peacefulness, simply because you let it show of everything. Said I don't wanna see the face but deep inside I'm still thinking of it everyday. I'd miss the sound of voice and every little thing that's related. Had an urge to make a phone call to say that I miss you, but reality just smacks right in front of me. I'm the only one who still stuck here while the truth is it has moved on. Just that the unwillingness to let go in me.

Talking to friends and fooled myself that I am fine, but they would just tell me 'you don't pretend well, your eyes show that you still care and you still love...' This ain't right, I wish I could just pretend well, even if for only one weekend. It has no way to unravel the latest mistake. Having a lot of 'If...' and 'I wish...' thinkings. But I know it's impossible for me to turn back time, even I know if there's a way I'd to. I guess it showed clear, the door has already closed to me. All I can do is just to let the tears rolling down the cheeks. Just like everytime when I got to see the face. I'm avoiding, it is not that I don't wish to see, I know it's worse cause the tears straight away well up in my eyes and uncontrollable they just roll down with this heart ache and pang.

Why would we trying so hard but to make it off this way?

Sometimes, I couldn't recognise myself now, and this kind of life that I'm having, my days aren't what I wanted. I'm not used to it but I'm pretending that I am enoying it. What am I now, I've got no idea. I'm trying the hardest way to have fun, it seems that I am happy, but deep inside it just works the another way. I'm sick of crying but it's beyond my control. I'd wish to believe that at least I used to be the one and that I wasn't just for a game. Still, I'm finding it hard to get on life without certain things. I'd think no matter what it takes, if I could, I will still.

Well, today woke up in the afternoon and I had this dream and it was beautiful, but when you wake up, it was just a dream. I don't feel good and though I could still reach town on time for the Free Hugs but I chose not to go. It's really hard for me to put up a fake smile on my face today. Projects due on monday but I've got no idea where to start.

This end is really, just the beginning.

Yeat your heart out
7:23 PM

Friday, woke up late but I still dragged myself to Law class in the morning. Still, I don't understand a shit of it. Was sitting with Zachary, he was sweet because he drew a sunflower for me and ask me to cheer up. It's really a 'Sun'-Flower. Ha. I've taken a picture of it, but my phone's abit down so couldn't upload it. Anyways, thanks Zac. (:

Then got home and bathed. Felt like everything was torturing me mentally and physically, so I went to bed and slept till late evening. Felt good cause for long I could finally sleep so tight. Photos were for last night, taken by JR's brand new camera. I think he's in love with photography now. Well, most of the pictures couldn't see my full face, it was his camera's problem alrights. So let's go polaroid love.

Didn't get to see Amanda yesterday, talked on the phone for a few times. I know she wasn't happy and so did I. Somehow for the same reason, we're getting so sick of it. Sick of the tears, don't wanna think about it don't wanna talk about it. Though I try to hide it, but it's clear. I'd still think of this familiar face everywhere I'd go. With the memories and doubts.

Kinda weird of feeling to be drunk in peacefulness, simply because you let it show of everything. Said I don't wanna see the face but deep inside I'm still thinking of it everyday. I'd miss the sound of voice and every little thing that's related. Had an urge to make a phone call to say that I miss you, but reality just smacks right in front of me. I'm the only one who still stuck here while the truth is it has moved on. Just that the unwillingness to let go in me.

Talking to friends and fooled myself that I am fine, but they would just tell me 'you don't pretend well, your eyes show that you still care and you still love...' This ain't right, I wish I could just pretend well, even if for only one weekend. It has no way to unravel the latest mistake. Having a lot of 'If...' and 'I wish...' thinkings. But I know it's impossible for me to turn back time, even I know if there's a way I'd to. I guess it showed clear, the door has already closed to me. All I can do is just to let the tears rolling down the cheeks. Just like everytime when I got to see the face. I'm avoiding, it is not that I don't wish to see, I know it's worse cause the tears straight away well up in my eyes and uncontrollable they just roll down with this heart ache and pang.

Why would we trying so hard but to make it off this way?

Sometimes, I couldn't recognise myself now, and this kind of life that I'm having, my days aren't what I wanted. I'm not used to it but I'm pretending that I am enoying it. What am I now, I've got no idea. I'm trying the hardest way to have fun, it seems that I am happy, but deep inside it just works the another way. I'm sick of crying but it's beyond my control. I'd wish to believe that at least I used to be the one and that I wasn't just for a game. Still, I'm finding it hard to get on life without certain things. I'd think no matter what it takes, if I could, I will still.

Well, today woke up in the afternoon and I had this dream and it was beautiful, but when you wake up, it was just a dream. I don't feel good and though I could still reach town on time for the Free Hugs but I chose not to go. It's really hard for me to put up a fake smile on my face today. Projects due on monday but I've got no idea where to start.

This end is really, just the beginning.

Yand i'll whisper to you my love
7:23 PM